Our 12.5 year old dog got sick last week and died last weekend. It was a whirlwind stretch of days from the moment we first realized something was wrong on Sunday night, to the moment she died on the following Sunday afternoon. She died on St. Patrick’s Day, still wearing the little Irish-themed kerchief the groomer had put on her just the week before. The irony made me cry. Lots of things made me cry last week.
I didn’t feel grateful for much of anything.
But I am a Type A, firstborn daughter who likes to keep records and document things. So a few days ago, after neglecting it for a week, I opened my memory journal to catch up. In this journal I also keep a gratitude log— just a few things I’m grateful for each day. In its own way, this gratitude log tells the story of my life— of our family— every bit as much as the photos and words do.
But this time as my eyes fell on the still-blank spaces of last week— with nary a speck of gratefulness scrawled anywhere— I thought, I can’t do it. I didn’t want to think I was ungrateful, but I also didn’t have anything to be grateful about. And yet, as a Type A firstborn daughter, I didn’t want to leave those spaces blank. (If you know, you know.)
So I held my pen above the Monday slot, thinking, wondering. And then I remembered something good that had happened that day amidst all the bad stuff. And then another thing even came to mind. I filled out the Monday rectangle and moved to Tuesday. The same thing happened— memories began to flow: yes of sadness and confusion and worry. But also of other things, tiny things. But things to be grateful for nonetheless.
“There’s always something to be grateful for.” It’s a pithy kind of saying, the kind that’s hard to stomach when things go wrong in life. But this week, as I journaled in my gratitude log, I found that to be true. I had to seek out gratitude, but once I did, I found it was there, gratitude mode activated as I held my pen in the air and waited, expecting nothing, but then being pleasantly surprised. Try it sometime, and see if it works for you.
I’m so so sorry for your loss ♥️
I’m so sorry to read that your sweet dog has died. Losing our pets leaves a big, ugly hole in our hearts. My condolences to you and your family. I understand your struggle with finding something to be grateful for at times. I’m there with you! I have to dig really deep on occasion but there is always a little glimmer of gratitude to be found. Take care ❤️